the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
