I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
