Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
