i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
