my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
