I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
a search helicopter?!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
