just tell him i said nine months
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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