You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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