Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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