I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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