Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
