my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize