he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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