Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
