My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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