Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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