If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just invented taco cereal.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
