I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
