Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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