What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
