You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize