Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
