wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
