Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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