well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
