O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
