dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
