We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
