Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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