these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
