Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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