No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So much Jack, so little girl.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
