i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
