I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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