Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
