Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
