R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
