check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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