I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
