you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
