But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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