Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you had me at cake vodka
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize