so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
