I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
