All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
