Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
