Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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