He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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