I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
