my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
