No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
