I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
