I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
