So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
