I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
