last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
