the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
