We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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