hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
