I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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