And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize