well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
