I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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