Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize