Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
