Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
