Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
