So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
