Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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