I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
