so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
