So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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