She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
