I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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