and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize