On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
