He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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