don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
