At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
