Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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