fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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