I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
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