Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
