He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
