lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
