i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
