I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
