remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
