I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
