He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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