I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
