My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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