i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
