oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
