I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
